it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
