i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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