I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
