Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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