i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
