i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
