you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
