...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
