just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
