you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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