so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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