he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
