i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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