Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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