my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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