does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
