I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
