Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
