No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
