Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
