so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is Oprah even human
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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