Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
