Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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