with your own penis?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
