I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
