just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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