just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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