i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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