Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
