I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
