Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
