I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
