my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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