I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
