And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
