Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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