Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
