The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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