I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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