shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
