grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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