Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
