So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
