do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
