We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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