I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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