Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
