My sheets look like a crime scene.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
