Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
