wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
