Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
