im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
