Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
